Can you be too productive?

Confessions of a chronic to-doer

Before we begin…

Reporting to you live and direct from a week of hospital appointments, piratical fashion choices, and an injection into my eyeball, writing is a less-than-ideal hobby for me right now. As such, I decided to dig into my archives for today’s post, and stumbled upon this essay reminding myself to take it easy. Something I also told myself to do here. Are we sensing a theme? So for once, I am taking my own advice and putting my feet up while I drink tea and watch Owning Manhattan. Peace out ✌️

P.S. This is not the Substack equivalent of a “u ok hun xxx” Facebook status—I am fine!

Ft. accidental product placement for my copywriting client, Heights. Go buy Magnesium⁺ for a great supplement and read more of my words on the packaging.

The trap of always productivising

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been organised. My parents never had to tell me to do my homework. I arrive everywhere early and have a recurring nightmare about being late to the airport. The concept of pulling an all-nighter to meet a next-day deadline is my room 101.

I thrive on routine. I love having structure. 

And in many ways, it’s benefitted me. I’ve got the self-motivation and juggling skills for freelancing. Friends have told me my ability to squeeze yoga classes in between socialising, staying on top of cleaning and getting enough sleep is not normal.

But I know the truth: my organisational skills don’t just help me get ahead. They can also hold me back.

Peak Type A energy

I often reference Jia Tolentino’s theory of “always optimising”. Well, I am “always productivising”. 

I’m not ashamed to say that I find my Notion workspace utterly thrilling. I have calendars (different ones for work and life), databases (dream clients, outfits, finances, meal prep), colour- and emoji-coded pages (vision boards, yearly goals, content ideas) and, most sacred, my weekly to-do list. 

The window to my soul

If, like many people who love me, this makes you want to vomit, I don’t blame you. There are two types of people in this world: those for whom this level of control is essential, and those for whom this level of control is terrifying.

As the former, I have to ask myself, essential to what? A psychologist would say it’s safety. The thing is, clinging to the walls of my comfort zone doesn’t always serve me.

The illusion of control

Control is something that, over the years, I’ve learned to hold more lightly—particularly when it comes to relationships (I learned the hard way that trying to control other people is a waste of time), and in the aftermath of life events that reminded me how little control any of us truly has.

So while I may not be able to control nature or death, my little Notion pages and daily routines (Morning pages, coffee, exercise) give me a sense of control over my time: specifically, squeezing as much out of it as I possibly can.

By the end of the day, I’ve wrung out enough work, life admin and healthy habits to feel accomplished and satisfied. But that high can border on addictive.

When “free” time rolls around, I still find myself reaching for that to-do list. Now the non-negotiables are taken care of, what other productive pursuits can I extract from my day? Do I need to add “watch cultured French film” to the list? “Read critically acclaimed novel”? “Tidy up the messy kitchen cupboard”? “Spend quality time with partner”?

Needless to say, this gets pretty exhausting and can sap the joy from things that should be fun or relaxing. So is it just me, or is this learned behaviour?

Why am I so hell-bent on being productive?

Much of it is my nature. I know from coaching that I have a very loud high achieving “part” and a strong “Hurry Up” driver.

But allow me to introduce two of my favourite offenders on the “nurture” side of the debate…

The patriarchy

Another reason I am the way I am is because I was raised by an impeccably organised mother. Many women I know and coach are the same: juggling careers, chores, childcare, friendships, families and relationships with superhuman agility. 

If you’ve read some of my earlier posts, you might remember me banging on about Elise Loehnen’s On Our Best Behaviour—an interrogation of how the seven deadly sins have shaped women’s perception of “goodness”. In the chapter on sloth, Loehnen talks about the unique pressures women face to a) maximise their output and b) fend off accusations of laziness. 

And I think there is a strongly gendered element to the guilt that plagues women to be more productive. However, it can’t be denied that there’s another force influencing all of us…

Capitalism

In a capitalist society, we are socially conditioned to conflate our worth with our output. Striving to be model employees and humans who work efficiently, hit targets and earn our right to survive through monthly paychecks. 

Notice how, at least in the UK, one of the first questions we ask new people is “What do you do?” Not “What do you like?” or “Who are you?”.

Forget the optimising part; we’re stuck on a hamster wheel of always doing. Because this means always achieving. Doing our job = achieving status, wealth, and simply the means to put a roof over our heads and food on our plates. Doing our chores = the gold star that proves we are a functioning adult. Doing fun things in our leisure time = signalling that we are an interesting, cultured, well-rounded person.

And as much as it pains a Notion devotee like me to say it, this dilemma isn’t helped by tech, which sprinkles even more addictiveness on the situation. There are more ways to measure our time, more dopamine hits to feel that sense of achievement, more social media platforms on which to prove ourselves. 

What if balance isn’t something to achieve, but something to be?

One of the reasons I grapple with this topic so much is that balance is one of my core values (big Libra energy). Being productive with my time helps me get that balance right—finding the perfect mix of work, social life, health, hobbies, etc.

But I read a line in On Our Best Behaviour that stopped me in my tracks: “what if balance isn’t something to achieve, but something to be”.

It’s a dichotomy I return to time and time again in coaching: the difference between doing and being. 

Because we’re so programmed to do, so socially conditioned to prove, so technologically wired to distract, a lot of us have forgotten how to simply be.

I’ll admit, when I have a (rare) free Sunday on my hands, I can feel a bit stumped. Ironically, I have to discipline myself to not be disciplined with my “free” time—my fingers itching for the checkboxes, my mind wandering to all the exhibitions I could see, plays I could watch, back burner domestic tasks I could tackle.

The same thing happens to a lot of freelancers I know when we have a lull in work or a spare morning; we feel guilty that we’re not working and bustle about adding people on LinkedIn, doing our accounting, or trawling through job ads, rather than just enjoying some downtime—reading a book, sitting in a coffee shop, going for a bike ride.

So I’m trying to get better at learning to be. Because without sounding too trite, isn’t this what’s life all about? When I’m on my deathbed, I’m not going to remember my Notion checklist (Notion probably won’t even exist then). 

I’m going to appreciate time with my loved ones. Uncontrollable fits of laughter. Getting lost in a good book or a Neil Young album. Being able to stay true to myself and find my own inner balance—not conforming to society’s definition of it.

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How about you?

Do my Notion habits match your freak, or do you think I’m a total weirdo? I’d love to hear your thoughts on always productivising, control, and balance.

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